Thursday, March 17, 2011

Building Blockages - A perspective linking spirituality and home improvement

This afternoon, I took the first real shower in my home since 2003...

Before anyone jumps to conclusions about my hygiene, I must state that I have indeed taken showers in my home since 2003, but not REAL honest to goodness, hot, rejuvenating, and luxuriously long ones...simply because I had a blockage.

Blockage you say? Why not call a plumber you ask? This blockage had nothing to do with household plumbing issues. This blockage was all in my heart and in my mind.

When I first bought my home in 2003, I had big plans; BIG GIGANTIC PLANS! My cottage has two bathrooms; a full one upstairs and a semi-full one with just a shower stall downstairs. The previous owner decided to use plastic tiles in the upstairs bathroom and maybe I could have lived with them if it weren't for the fact that the entire bathroom was decked out in hot pink; tiles, tub, sink, and walls all pink.

So back to the big plans...Impulsively without a budget to speak of, I proceeded within the first month of living here to tear down the tiles. It took an entire day. Those suckers didn't want to budge but when they eventually did, it was like popping off cheap press-on nails. I took great pleasure and pride in my first home improvement "demo" job. I then went shopping for tiles, found some beautiful 12x12 floor tiles that I wanted on the walls, and then contracted my brother to do the work. (Let me stop here for a minute. I am on the fence about the whole "never work with family or friends" philosophy. I think there are good arguments in both camps, but I've experienced pretty even results in that area and this is not a post about that topic, so let me continue.)

He did a great job, but here's the catch: He didn't finish. Somehow I am to blame. I was supposed to sand (to help cut costs) and I never did. I know the reason I didn't want to do it. and here's my official statement: "I sanded AND painted the TV room and after THAT experience, I WILL NEVER SAND AGAIN!!!" It's simple...before he would grout the tiles, he wanted the walls sanded and I refused. There wasn't any anger, or animosity between us. WE just never finished.

So for those of you who don't know anything about the whole purpose of grout, lemme tell you in layman's terms the implications of not having it...your walls will not be sealed and water will go through them. I found this out right away. I decide to take a shower in the upstairs bathroom (remember in 2003 folks), and I basically caused it to rain in my kitchen below.

You would think that this would spark an immediate reaction; an emergency call to my brother, or another contractor. Some of my more handier friends would have run to Home Depot to buy a Tiling for Dummies book and some grout. What did I do? Absolutely nothing...nothing! Call it stubbornness. Call it dumbness. I have no idea why I just didn't do something. One thing is for sure. If I didn't have a shower stall downstairs, maybe I would have been more motivated, but I had one and my girls and I used that small, cramped, uninviting shower stall for the next eight years...SHAME ON ME.

I can't indulge and dwell in the specific "why's" of what held me back. For now, I prefer to diagnose it as a mental blockage; a repression of something emotionally painful that caused me to ignore the disrepair that lay a mere six feet away from me every day for the past eight years.

What snapped me out of it? Two words on my vision board Lovely Home. This is what I've always wanted but I lost the intention somewhere along the way. There is no magic. There is only work; whether that work be mental, physical, or spiritual, some work has to be done to make things move and to happen.

This afternoon, I took the real first shower in my home since 2003, and it was glorious, and invigorating and rewarding all because I finally (somehow) removed the weight that existed in some crazy mental block and gave it to my desire for a lovely home.

I dedicate this post to my brother Akin (ibae). I love you and thank you for your guidance. ASE!