Listening to your Heart: A 5 Minute Practice

There are various approaches to meditation. My biggest challenge over the years has been the struggle to quiet my mind; my inner voices. But I found the best time for me to practice is immediately upon waking up. I quickly check in with myself just before my brain has a chance to inundate me with anything (tasks, bills, worries) I have on my plate.
Something about those first five minutes upon awakening in the morning, reminds me of when I was a kid trying to hear the sound of the ocean in the seashells* my mother collected. I couldn't hear a thing no matter how hard I tried. All I could hear was what I had later heard described as "white noise". Well that "noise" is what I now focus on while I listen to my heart. Instinct, God, spirit, the Universe, heart. Call it whatever you need to, to make u feel comfortable.  In the end, it is the core source of who we are as beings in the here and now.

The Practice...

When u wake up, open your eyes and make sure you're really awake. Then close your eyes and listen to what your heart is telling you. And don't forget to breath.
Your heart is not a parent telling you what to do. It's not judging you...it's your very own energy giving you the message of the day. Shhhhhh. Don't ask for anything. Just hone in on the message you're receiving. You have the option to accept or reject the message. Write it down and continue your day with the message always lingering in the background. At the end of your day ask yourself: Did that message help me today?

Try it out! Let me know how it goes. I'd love to hear.

By the way, in case you're wondering....This morning, my message was to tell someone about my five minute practice.


*My Mom's seashells looked like this...

Be Impeccable with your Word..A letter to my daughter Part 1

Dear N,
By the end of the day, both you and I will be guilty of the same unfaithfulness...
We will have both exposed our dirty laundry on the internet for all of our finite extended network to see.
While I have no intention of humiliating you, I did want to use this forum to show and prove that once the word is written, it is permanent once read.  No eraser or delete button, can wipe away the imprint of these symbols that were created by man to express our thoughts and feelings.
In this forum, I have decided to use my words to express my love for you.  I know (because of my age and experience) that arguments like the one we had today, take up such a small percentage of time in our entire lives, that they shouldn't become devastating events that will ruin "us" and what we've built as a unit over the past 17 years.
You're mad at me and hey I get it.  However, remember to always try and be "impeccable with your Word", because whether from mouth or pen, words matter.They can hurt "more than any bruise" as you stated, but they can also manifest into reality.
I have spent most of your life telling you that you can do anything and with those words I had hoped to empower you with the gift of entitlement.  The danger in giving you this gift is that sometimes it comes with an ego that won't allow humility and/or patience to penetrate the soul.
Be careful my baby...be very careful.  THIS is the most precarious time in your life.  I will always be here for you, but now it's time for me to act as your guide and not as you.
Peace and Love Always
Mommy

Today I am Fear-Squashing

Fear-Squashing is the technical term (created by me I think) to describe the process I use to allay my fears...
I read somewhere that fear is actually the mind's defense mechanism to protect us from harm; like sensing the need to run when you see a bear coming atcha.  But this defense mechanism seems to kick in quite frequently when its original purpose becomes obsolete (not alot of bears in these dem parts), thus creating anxiety unnecessarily.

My fear-squashing practice involves the following 4 steps:

1. Thank the fear for the alert and then politely ask it to leave me alone.
2. Deep breathing: In through the nose and out through the mouth (with force) several times.  This helps me to expand and contract.  Ever notice how we stop breathing when we're scared or feeling anxious?  Deep breathing also helps me to focus on something.  I pay attention to the breaths.
3. Stay present: this is a tough one and some view it as denial.  I view it as I can't do anything about what I have foreseen as a problem right at this moment. This is the greatest take-away I retained from reading Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth.
4. Focus on the positive; what I want vs. what I don't want.
5. Public expression as a release (like writing a blog post).
6. Repeat as needed.

I feel it working now...

Building Blockages - A perspective linking spirituality and home improvement

This afternoon, I took the first real shower in my home since 2003...

Before anyone jumps to conclusions about my hygiene, I must state that I have indeed taken showers in my home since 2003, but not REAL honest to goodness, hot, rejuvenating, and luxuriously long ones...simply because I had a blockage.

Blockage you say? Why not call a plumber you ask? This blockage had nothing to do with household plumbing issues. This blockage was all in my heart and in my mind.

When I first bought my home in 2003, I had big plans; BIG GIGANTIC PLANS! My cottage has two bathrooms; a full one upstairs and a semi-full one with just a shower stall downstairs. The previous owner decided to use plastic tiles in the upstairs bathroom and maybe I could have lived with them if it weren't for the fact that the entire bathroom was decked out in hot pink; tiles, tub, sink, and walls all pink.

So back to the big plans...Impulsively without a budget to speak of, I proceeded within the first month of living here to tear down the tiles. It took an entire day. Those suckers didn't want to budge but when they eventually did, it was like popping off cheap press-on nails. I took great pleasure and pride in my first home improvement "demo" job. I then went shopping for tiles, found some beautiful 12x12 floor tiles that I wanted on the walls, and then contracted my brother to do the work. (Let me stop here for a minute. I am on the fence about the whole "never work with family or friends" philosophy. I think there are good arguments in both camps, but I've experienced pretty even results in that area and this is not a post about that topic, so let me continue.)

He did a great job, but here's the catch: He didn't finish. Somehow I am to blame. I was supposed to sand (to help cut costs) and I never did. I know the reason I didn't want to do it. and here's my official statement: "I sanded AND painted the TV room and after THAT experience, I WILL NEVER SAND AGAIN!!!" It's simple...before he would grout the tiles, he wanted the walls sanded and I refused. There wasn't any anger, or animosity between us. WE just never finished.

So for those of you who don't know anything about the whole purpose of grout, lemme tell you in layman's terms the implications of not having it...your walls will not be sealed and water will go through them. I found this out right away. I decide to take a shower in the upstairs bathroom (remember in 2003 folks), and I basically caused it to rain in my kitchen below.

You would think that this would spark an immediate reaction; an emergency call to my brother, or another contractor. Some of my more handier friends would have run to Home Depot to buy a Tiling for Dummies book and some grout. What did I do? Absolutely nothing...nothing! Call it stubbornness. Call it dumbness. I have no idea why I just didn't do something. One thing is for sure. If I didn't have a shower stall downstairs, maybe I would have been more motivated, but I had one and my girls and I used that small, cramped, uninviting shower stall for the next eight years...SHAME ON ME.

I can't indulge and dwell in the specific "why's" of what held me back. For now, I prefer to diagnose it as a mental blockage; a repression of something emotionally painful that caused me to ignore the disrepair that lay a mere six feet away from me every day for the past eight years.

What snapped me out of it? Two words on my vision board Lovely Home. This is what I've always wanted but I lost the intention somewhere along the way. There is no magic. There is only work; whether that work be mental, physical, or spiritual, some work has to be done to make things move and to happen.

This afternoon, I took the real first shower in my home since 2003, and it was glorious, and invigorating and rewarding all because I finally (somehow) removed the weight that existed in some crazy mental block and gave it to my desire for a lovely home.

I dedicate this post to my brother Akin (ibae). I love you and thank you for your guidance. ASE!

My visit from Lena

A little over 25 years ago, I worked my way through high-school and eventually college, as a cashier in a very swanky high-end supermarket on the Upper West Side. Two of the best fringe benefits of the job were 1. Hookin up my homies with free deli and 2. celebrity sightings. The latter was commonplace and no one really phased me that much...until the one day when Lena Horne strolled in.

With the exception of my homemade Jackson 5 autograph book that I crafted when I was around eight, I wasn't really the type to ask for an autograph. But this was LENA! My dad, just like Mr. S-A-N-F-O-R-D (period) above, was a huge Lena fan and so by default, that made me one too. So I said to God when word got to me that she was in the store, "Dear God...If Lena Horne gets on my line, that means you WANT me to ask for her autograph"...and my prayer was answered. Much like Fred in this video, I lost it, but on the inside. My hands and voice probably shook, and I have no idea what I said, but when I snapped out of it and Ms. Horne left the store, I looked down and saw her almost indiscernible, scribbled, pleasantries and alas the signature on a piece of brown paper bag, that read "Lena Horne".

Light, Peace, and Progress to your spirit Lena Calhoun Horne.

P.S. - If you'd like to fast forward, go to 5:12 minutes in for Fred's reaction. Hilarious and classic Fred!

Why every single day is Mother's Day.

I think of my Mother every single day. She died 18 years ago from pancreatic and liver cancer. I was 24 years old. She gave birth to me when she was about 45 years old and I was the last of six children; 11 years between me and her fifth. She was born Emma Middleton and she grew up on a small island off of Charleston, SC. When she came to New York City as a young woman, she changed her name to Emily and eventually she met my father and shortly after, they were married.
I have never been told about her hard life and she didn't reminisce about it, unless you lived it right along with her. Why dwell right?
She lost a young child in a tragic event and she endured...let's just say, indiscretions. And yet, the woman I knew, was the strongest person I have ever known...period. We didn't have heart to heart conversations about men, or sex, or smoking, or drugs, but she did teach me the importance of prayer and the ability of a mother's touch to heal.
Everything that I am; I am because of her. Cliche? Maybe, but true nonetheless.
Her spirit lives with me and my children and her legacy will live with her line forever.
Happy Mother's Day Emma Middleton ibae

The Aunt Ann Anecdote, My Vision Board, and The Laws of Attraction

I've read many words, for many years on the topic: Laws of Attraction. So why is it then, that I have been so stubborn about writing down exactly what I want to attract? It's become very clear to me that the only reason has been fear. I think I've been afraid to really admit or "woman-up" to what I want out of life for fear that an exercise in positive re-enforcement would end in disappointment.
But here's where I contradict myself because I have, in a multitude of small and minute ways, seen The Law work in various stages throughout my life. I was much younger when The Law worked best, I think, because I was less preoccupied with the troubles of the world. I didn't have to write much down because I yearned deeply for that new job that would pay me the big bucks, or that house with a backyard where my kids could play, or the occasional man to satisfy certain...needs.
I got everything I wanted; note the past tense. Of late, however I haven't obtained much of anything; in fact I find myself adrift in some sort of pre-midlife abyss.
Hold on! The tone of this post sounds like it's headed south, but that's purely unintentional.
Time to tell yall an Aunt Ann Anecdote...
My Aunt Ann kept a note taped to the inside of her apartment door that read something like "Turn off Stove" or "Stove Off" (I can't recall the exact prompt), but obviously this was her way of reminding herself to double check the oven before leaving the house. One has to assume that she found this note necessary because there must have been an incident where she did leave the house and accidently left the stove on. You can imagine, however that eventually this posted message became ingrained in her mind every time she stepped foot out the door, and I would suspect that checking the stove became a habit before she even reached the door. And if I should be so inclined to take it even further, she possibly may have even programmed herself to the extent of making sure the stove was turned off immediately after her food preparation PERIOD.
This speaks volumes to me in terms of the power of a Vision Board. Thanks to my recollection of the Aunt Ann story and a recent conversation with my Godmother (who always leads by example), I had the epiphany that I'm old(er) and with that in mind; I need to write my goals down. But not only do I need to write them down, I need to put what I write down, directly up into my grill for me to see everyday as many times as possible. Putting them in a journal was not enough for what's a journal but a private book, filled with intimate thoughts, tucked away like a dirty little secret.
The visuals on my Vision Board are not a secret. Shit, I'm not hiding my goals anymore because frankly when I hide information from others, I tend to instinctively hide said information from my damn self...and what good will that do me.
I started my Vision Board this week. I was going to wait until I could buy a cute little cork board from Staples, but that would have delayed the heck out of things. Instead, I found some scraps of construction paper and started jotting down what I want. I brought the scraps upstairs to the bedroom and started taping them on my wall. Everyday I add something new; like pictures I cut or tear out of magazines or new goal oriented keywords.
When I wake up in the morning I see the goals. When I get dressed, I see the goals. When I get undressed, I see the goals and before I go to bed...well you get the point. What this does for me is what the "Turn off Stove" note did for Aunt Ann. It brings something into focus that demands my attention; my attraction. It yells at me in that Mr T. voice: "WAKE UP FOOL! THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO KEEP AT THE TOP OF YOUR MIND!!!"
Soon enough, I will know exactly what is where on this Vision Board and I will see it before I step foot into my bedroom door and then before I walk upstairs and then before I enter the house and then before I turn the corner into my cul de sac. Ultimately the image of the Vision Board will live with me all throughout the day thus making an impression onto the Universe to deliver the goods.
I can't wait!